What I Learned From My Dad

Last month I wrote about some of the many things I learned from my mom, so it seems fitting that this month should be dedicated to some of the many things I learned from my dad.

The Importance of a Good Sense of Humor. My dad says that he’s the funniest person he knows and he is. He uses humor with friends, family and strangers alike. Sometimes you “get it” and sometimes you don’t, but it doesn’t matter to him. He always thinks he’s funny. If he loves you, he gives you a nickname, often nonsensical. He calls one of my cousins “Lucy.” Her real name is “Julia.” Why “Lucy?” Who knows?! For years he called my mother, “Squeegy Bod” until she’d had enough of being embarrassed in public and called a halt to it. What’s important about his humor is that he forces all of us not to take ourselves too seriously. And guess what?! Now, I’m the funniest person I know!

Basic Car Care. Yep, this one is the traditional Dad thing to teach and he did it. I can change a tire, check my oil and generally know when something’s amiss and needs professional care. With some of the clunkers I’ve driven as well as my current used luxury model, it’s come in handy repeatedly.

How to end an argument. My dad can get mad…really mad. We’re talking window rattling, blood vessel bursting, mad. But he knows how to forgive and how to apologize. Learning this from him has ensured that I still have a job…and friends… and a husband.

Compassion for those less fortunate. This is one I listed for my mom too and it’s true. My parents are two of the most giving people I know. Back in the 80s Dad helped start a small soup kitchen that served weekday lunches to the homeless and needy in Wilmington, NC. Today the Good Shepherd Center has grown into a major operation that provides meals seven days a week and a wealth of additional resources.  And in his retirement, he’s back at Good Shepherd, driving homeless veterans to their doctor appointments and filling in when employees are on vacation.

Show affection to those you love. When I was little my dad would beg my brother and me for kisses and hugs. I often held out just to see his dramatic and humorous reactions. When I was eight, I bet him that I could stop sucking my thumb before he could give up smoking. If I won the bet, I could get my ears pierced. If he won, he got 100 kisses from me!  I won, of course, though he did eventually give up smoking. He shows my mom affection too, often with eye rolling sexual innuendos. My parents’ snuggles and funny words gave me a sense of security and let me know that those around me loved each other. Now that I’m a parent, I enjoy showering my boys with affection and giving them reason to roll their eyes at their silly parents!

I’m grateful to my dad for all that he’s taught me. I hope that I can do the same for my children. Take some time to write an appreciation list about your dad. You’ll be glad you did!

Happy Father’s Day!

What I Learned From My Mom

In honor of all the moms out there, but especially my mom, here’s my list of SOME of the many things I’ve learned from her.

The joy of reading. She loved children’s books and literature and shared that love with us. She read with us nightly and gleefully added to our library with each new advance in reading ability and maturity. I clearly remember how excited she was the year she decided I was old enough to read The Catcher in the Rye. As the time draws near for Noah and me, I share her excitement.

Independence and fearlessness. Thanks in part to the era of The Equal Rights Amendment, my mom was determined that I would grow to be a self-confident, independent woman.  Perhaps she and others who know me wish I’d received a smaller dose of determination and forthrightness, but I’m confident that the boogie man doesn’t want to meet up with me in a dark alley.

Compassion for those less fortunate and a desire to fight for justice. During the Civil Rights Movement, she spoke out and protested against segregation. When the T.V. news showed the plight of Vietnamese war refugees in the 70s and 80s, she cried and with my father helped a community to organize to bring the Ha family to our town. I see that compassion and search for justice passing on to my own children; with Noah who argued with school friends about Amendment One and Ben who told me I wasn’t being nice when I made fun of someone.

What marriage is…and isn’t. My parents have had many joyous years together, but it hasn’t always been easy. I learned from her that the day-in and day-out getting along and living together is as important as the passion. And that love changes with time. It ebbs and flows. It’s not always easy but  it’s worth the effort. The ability to forgive is essential to a happy and enduring relationship.

The importance of intentional parenting. In her day, Dr. Spock was all the rage. She read his book, listened to other mothers she admired and took what felt right to her to form her own parenting style. She was (intentionally) lenient and indulged us in many ways but was firm and consistent when it came to what food we ate, time we went to bed and how much T.V. we watched. My parenting style may be slightly different from hers but I have followed her lead when it comes to food, bedtime and T.V. and I’ve definitely learned from her that being a good parent is difficult but worth all the effort.

I’m grateful to my mom for all that she’s taught me. I hope that I can do the same for my children.

Happy Mother’s Day!

When Noah Started School

I remember it well…the day that my oldest started kindergarten. We’d practiced getting up early and getting ready to go. He’d gone to bed early and eaten a good breakfast. He’d picked out a special outfit and a lunchbox. We’d gathered school supplies.

I walked him to his class, stopping at the door to take the “first day” picture. And then I had to leave. I held back my tears until I got outside so he wouldn’t see. How had this day arrived so fast? Where did the time go? Was he ready? Had his father and I adequately prepared him?

It was an exciting, yet daunting parenting and child transition. We were beginning a new stage of life together. Looking back now, I can see the things I didn’t yet know…his learning style, who his friends would be, what kind of classroom parent I would be and how important his school, the families and staff, would become to our family.

Every parent shares this milestone and most of us, the mixture of worry and excitement. The staff at Imprints has created a series of classes to address these feelings and to better inform parents about what to expect and how to help prepare our children for this transition. “Spring into Kindergarten” offers readiness activities and ways to enhance the home environment, homework suggestions, best ways to communicate with teachers and how to engage your child in discussions about school. Held at The Children’s Museum on three consecutive Mondays (May 7, 14, & 21) from 10-11 am, participants will leave with ideas and activities to help them connect with their child, encourage independence and prepare their child for the world of school. Parents can register at ImprintsForFamilies.org/spring or call me at 722-6296 x205.

We’re just a few months away from the start of a new school year! Let the excitement begin!!

-Julia

Parent Reflections by Julia Toone

Ben, my youngest child, turned 10 this month. It’s hard for
me to believe that it’s been a decade since I’ve had a baby! It’s seems like
only yesterday that my little “Ben Bun” was cradled in my arms, totally
dependent on me for everything.

Time provides space for reflection. I look back on those
early days of parenthood and often yearn to do it over again. If I could,
here’s what I’d do differently:

Let ‘em get in our bed more often. I brought
my babies to bed in the night for nursing and often allowed them to sleep with
us when they were sick or had a bad dream. But I was pretty firm that once
they’d finished eating, their health restored or their fears eased, it was back
to their own beds. I know the shared family bed is controversial--- for good
reasons associated with safety, marital bliss and children’s ability to learn
early (and easily) to sleep on their own. But just recently I realized that it
had been a long time since either child had asked to get in bed with us in the
night or even gotten in bed with us for weekend morning snuggle times. And I
miss it. I wish I’d known then that the day would come when I would long for
that extra body in our bed.

I wish I'd laughed more with them.
We have a family video of Ben, Noah and me
eating lunch. Ben is just a toddler, still in his high chair and Noah is no
older than 3. They did something silly that made me laugh to the point of
tears. It makes me laugh to watch it! I’d like to believe that there were many
of these occasions, but I’m doubtful. I know that I spent a lot of time in serious
concentration on functioning---caring for them, feeding them, keeping them
safe, etc. I’m making up for my serious parenting years by being a very silly
(and often embarrassing) parent of tweens!

Stayed home from work longer.
We’ve been very fortunate as working parents. My job
has always been flexible and allowed lots of time for family needs. Our
children have always been cared for by loving and wonderful caregivers. Even
so, I wish I’d taken at least 6 months after their births before heading back
to work. I think I would have bonded more quickly and easily with Noah and been
less frazzled with Ben if I’d had more time devoted solely to their care.

Yelled less (of course).
I think most parents can identify with this wish.
Parenting is exhausting and our children can push us to the brink of madness at
times. But we all wish we yelled less. I think I’ve gotten more patient over
the years (thankfully) but I still have moments I’d like to take back.

Lest you think that I only have regrets about
parenting…there are many things that I’m glad that I did. Here are a few:

Devoted family time each night to a good-nite routine. Brian and I decided early on that bedtime was an important time for family bonding. Our evening rituals have changed over the
years but they’ve been a wonderful part of our day as a family. For us this
routine has always included time and discussion one-on-one between each parent
and child and reading together. We continue this tradition today with our big
10- and 12-year old boys!

Valued the written and spoken word. Books have always been an important part of
our parenting lives. From the time they were born, we have read daily with our
children. We’ve also placed value on conversation. When they were little, I
cooed and responded to their every early utterance and sang to them throughout
the day. I continue to engage my tweens in daily conversation. I hope to keep
the lines of communication open as we move into the teen years.

Consistent discipline. Brian and I put a lot of effort into being consistent when our children were young and it has paid off. We tried to reserve “no” for the things that truly had to be denied.
But when we did say “no” we meant it. It’s easy to cave in when you’re tired or busy.
When I’ve been tempted to give in or not follow through, I remind myself that
I’m the parent. It’s my job to be consistent. I make decisions based on what’s
best for my children. Sometimes they don’t agree with me and that’s ok. I’m not
here to win a popularity contest. I’m here to develop these children into their
best potential selves.

Breastfed.
For many new moms, breastfeeding can be a challenge. I was no different. It
hurt, I wasn’t sure he was getting enough and I didn’t enjoy it. Despite these
early challenges, I persevered and I’m glad I did. It did get easier and it
helped me bond with both of my babies. This message isn’t meant to make those
of you who couldn’t do it feel bad. It’s to help those of you who are still
struggling to hang in there. There are many women who look back and regret not
breastfeeding. But it would be difficult to find a mother who regrets
breastfeeding her child.

Followed Brian's lead. By the time I had my first child, I’d already been working
with infants and young children for a decade and had a Masters Degree in Child
Development. In our family, I was the child expert. Despite this, I recognized
early on that Brian had instincts and parenting skills that I could learn from.
I cringed with every fall, bump or bruise. He was much more relaxed. I cradled
and cooed, he wrestled and tickled. I fretted over every little change or
unusual behavior. He said, “Let’s wait and see.” And I’ve picked up on some of
this. I turn the other way when they fly over the ramp on their skateboards and
bikes. I’ve learned to wrestle and roughhouse some and not to sweat the small
stuff.

All parents have feelings of regret from time to time, but
hopefully, we can all look back and see the great things we did as well. What
would you like to do over if given the chance? What parenting moments are you
most proud of?

Register Now for a Great Parenting Event: "Healthy Families in a Hectic World" will take place on Weds, March 21st from 9:30-10:30 am at the Children's Museum of Winston-Salem. Go to www.ImprintsForFamilies.org/speakers to learn more!

Please help support Imprints!

Thanks to the article about us in last week’s Yes Weekly! (http://www.yesweekly.com/triad/article-11805-forsyth-nonprofit-braces-for-cuts-to-early-education-programs.html), Whole Foods has designated Imprints as their “donate a dime” agency for the next quarter (April-June)!

Please bring your own bags to shop at the Winston-Salem Whole Foods and when the cashier asks if you'd like to donate your bag credit to Imprints, please say, "Yes!"

Thank you for your support!

Who doesn't love a massage?

Did you know that babies love to have massages?  Bring your baby age 2-12 months (non-walkers only, please) to our next parent group and learn about the benefits of infant massage while getting a hands on lesson.

Nurturing Touch: Learn About Infant Massage

English Language Group Information:
Monday, April 4th and Tuesday, April 5th from 10am to 1pm (Attend both sessions)
Group is held at Imprints - 502 N Broad St, Winston-Salem

Spanish Language Group Information:
April 11th, 14th, and 15th (Attend all 3 sessions)
Group is held at Imprints in the Downtown Health Plaza - 1200 N Martin Luther King Jr Dr, Winston-Salem

Please RSVP to your Parent Educator or to Berta Andrade at 713-9743 or bandrade@imprintsforfamilies.org

Lunch is provided. Register today, space is limited.